Hi and welcome!
I am Maria Night. This is not my real name, by remaining anonymous I hope to be more open about my experience of physical abuse and what it is like to be the daughter of a narcissistic mother. She has not been professionally diagnosed, I have come to this conclusion through my own research and years of therapy. I am using this space as a way to share my experience in the hope that it will somehow be healing, and to reach out to people who were physically abused and/or raised by a narcissistic parent. I would be very open to hearing about how you’ve arrived here and the journey you have travelled so far.
In this blog, I share past events which have significantly impacted my sense of self, as well as what it is like in the present day to have a mother who is narcissistic.
A little background information is that I am married, in my 30’s and have two young children. I feel as though I owe it them to heal from this trauma so that I can be a better Mum and life partner. That being said, like many people who have experienced trauma, I found my silver lining. For me, it was a fascination with psychology. I feel as though studying my way through three degrees was a journey of healing in and of itself. Studying saved my life. It gave me purpose and led me away from a destructive path most girls with my childhood would have travelled. Not to say there wasn’t an enormous amount of bad decisions, addictions, a range of mental health problems and self-inflicted trauma as a consequence of my childhood.
In the process of healing I have recently found it helpful to distance myself from the word ‘mother’, instead of referring to my mother as “my”. I refer to her as “the Mother” or “Mother” or “non-parent”. In day-to-day life I usually refer to her by first name.
For some, reading my posts can be difficult. I go into some detail about the kind of abuse I have experienced. For this reason I offer a small warning. However, please know that so far being able to write has provided me with a space to heal.
I want to be the carrot in the soup that continues to rise to the top no matter how much it is stirred down
Photo credit: Magic Madzik